Musician. Photographer. Software Designer.

2020 is finally behind us and I can't think of one kind thing to say about it. So much has happened. I remember sitting in this chair one year ago, optimistic and hopeful. What a year it's been.

I sit here exhausted. Barely holding on. Stripped of the poetic flow that once spoke of such hopeful possibilities. Watching everything I've spent a lifetime building, crushed under a fast moving machine of corruption and dishonor. Government has turned a blind eye as tech monopolies flaunt antitrust trophies with the type of arrogance that comes with feeling completely untouchable. 

There is something I have to get off my chest Google. I am a lifetime small business owner and entrepreneur. I have a little club management application called FirmPOS that has been on the Internet since 1998. I have been diligent to keep the website full of original, relevant content. I have tried to stay up on SEO best practices. I have always used white-hat methods in hopes of keeping my site visible to people searching the Internet for Club Management Software.

I am so grateful for this moment.

My pain level in my lower back has been at a constant 6 with my up/down pain in the 8-9 range for weeks. Every step is a struggle. Getting seated or getting up comes with an insane amount of pain. There's a point when your mind just adjusts to the new normal and you go on.

I awoke today with a new level of pain coming from just about every joint in my tired body. And my lower back was screaming.

It is a crisp morning here in Phoenix as I take a moment to enjoy a warm cup of coffee and reflect a little. Not on the past but on the present. Right now. The here. The now.

Big breath in... big exhale. Ahhh. I notice the sun is gently warming the mountains as it rises. This is a brand new day. A brand new year. A big, beautiful new canvas that is untouched by anyone and ready for a new masterpiece. There are no wrong answers. No wrong colors. This canvas has no expectations or requirements. There are no judgements.

If I were asked to leave a few final words that might be found by another seeker, I would say the number one thing I have learned in this life is to be generous.

Do it big. Do it to the best of your ability. Do it quietly.

Be generous.

Be generous with your time, talents, abilities, resources, energy, forgiveness, mercy, patience and money. Don't wait to be asked for help. Focus on becoming sensitive to the needs around you and then give what you are able. Do it quietly and as anonymously as humanly possible.

Sometimes going back isn't an option. It just depends on what happened and the condition of the relationship. Is the bridge still intact?

You: What the hell are you rambling about Ash?

Me: I have a few things on my mind today. And in the words of the great wedding singer... I have a microphone and you don't. You know the rest... lol

I remember growing up, I knew a family where the father would preemptively become abusive while placing an order at the local McFast Food place. It was the very same spot that consistently served him cold, disgusting alternatives to the hot, fresh food they promised on the commercials.

I'm on the go and need to get something with about 50gr of protein. I don't have a ton of time, so I decide a quick protein shake will get me through until my pre-workout meal.

I stop into a popular place in Scottsdale that serves up such beverages and order the leanest shake I can possibly get in this place while still ordering off the menu. I just removed the fruit and added one extra scoop of protein. The guy at the register looks at me and with a straight face says... that's $19.

"I'm not trying to be an asshole here but..."

Here's a phrase that is invariably followed by someone being a huge asshole. At least you know there is a 100% chance of asshole like actions to follow.

In promise form, the spoken word has completely lost it's meaning for me. It is now simply a placeholder for possible action.

Jesus is changing his name. I know this because a friend's sister's cousin knows his mom and she said he can't even enjoy a smoothie at Nékter without people piling up to ask him for shit.

Come on. He's sick of everyone asking for everything. Lottery numbers, the good parking spot in the Walmart lot, discounts on chainsaws, a 'Greenie' with no apple, extra ginger.... and his absolute favorite; get me through this and I'll never do THAT again. lol

Cleaning the house today and found a couple interesting photos of my late 20's. Some people wish they could go back... I NEVER wanna go back there.

At 27 years old, I was on my way out of this life. Almost 300 pounds, I worked 100 hour work weeks, ate terribly and never exercised. My eating was out of control and the 10 or more sodas per day weren't doing me any favors either.