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4 Min Read

"I'm not trying to be an asshole here but..."

Here's a phrase that is invariably followed by someone being a huge asshole. At least you know there is a 100% chance of asshole like actions to follow.

In promise form, the spoken word has completely lost it's meaning for me. It is now simply a placeholder for possible action.

I can only think of a couple people in my lifetime who always followed through on their word. About 10 years ago, I had a neighbor buddy that always did what he said. If he said he was going to hit you in the face, prepare to duck. This guy always followed up his word.

Speaking of that... "I'm sorry you feel that way" is not a fucking apology. "I'm sorry I punched you in the face" is a valid apology. There's a difference.

Another gem... "Promise you won't get angry but I have something to tell you"

You can't expect anyone to make such a deal. I reserve the right to choose the level of pissed I am about to become based on what you say next. So, choose wisely messenger.

Now, man the fuck up and say what's on your mind. Then expect to be punched in the face. AND "Don't shoot the messenger" is not valid either. The messenger was frequently shot. That's why people started using that as a preamble (or postamble if the guy started loading his gun)

"Ok, let me be honest with you..."

Now you just sound like a muttering, beady eyed used car salesman with a cocaine habit and glandular issues. Sweaty with desperation is not a good look for you.

If you have to preface some real deal, late breaking news style shit... then say "Ok, let me be frank with you..." Unless of course, you are talking to a guy named Frank... then that would just be redundant.

And while we're on the topic... if you ever start sentences the word "look" - make sure the rest of it is something like "...there's a squirrel". lol

Stop using it in the exclamation form "Look, I'm going to be honest with you." It's a bad habit, it's demeaning and it makes people want to smack the shit out of you.

Speaking of salespeople... there's not much honor left in the good old "honor system". I recently had someone say "I give you my word". That was GOLD for me up to the moment that she didn't follow through. I was stupid enough to allow that same person to do it twice. (I know...shame on me)

You could promise just about anything and I would evaluate the probability of action based on your past performance. You were more than likely going to be 'penciled' in.

Now, you followed that promise with "You have my word" and buddy, you were scheduled in ink.

That's not going to happen again any time soon. (unless you are my old neighbor) lol

Shoulda... coulda... woulda. If you make a fucking promise, keep it. If you tell a friend you'd never do that to him... then don't. Period. Especially if you went out of your way to make that promise.

Words are meaningless. Actions are powerful. You decide what meaning you attach with the actions you take... or don't take. Either way, it's your word and you choose if you get scheduled in pencil or ink.

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