We love you! Goodnight!
I'm driving down the road tonight and pass a bar where the band is just finishing up. I hear the singer yell "We love you all!" and follows it up with "Goodnight!!"
I think to myself... what in the fuck does that really mean? I have a pretty long drive ahead of me... so I gave it some real thought.
I challenge you right now: define the word love. By today's standards, I couldn't come up with a valid definition. Neither can you.
This is a word that has been so loosely overused that it has literately lost a meaning. It's like saying a two syllable word 50 times as fast as you can... at some point it won't even sound like the same word to you. Try it. I'll wait for you to finish.
Most of what we as a society define as "love" are feelings manufactured by the brain chemicals that make up our happiness center. A word that is seemingly without meaning unless consistent actions are combined with other compatible and equally consistent actions.
Try to define it: Romantic love... feelings of deep affection, connection and trust. Love for your dog... feelings of affection and connection. Love for your job... deep feelings of fulfillment and purpose. Love for your friends... feelings of happiness, acceptance and contentment. Love for your family... once again... feelings of deep connection.
Commitment is not love. Respect is not love. Honor is not love. Acceptance is not love. A lead singer thankful that someone gave a shit enough to come out and support what he likes to do.... also, not love.
Let someone you "love" hurt you deeply and those feelings will diminish or even disappear. What are you left with? Logic, choices and some very different feelings made by another part of your brain.
2017 was a very challenging year for many of us. I was no exception. I have been at my emotional breaking point for some time now... where I am questioning the value of my own existence. Whether I want to go on or just give up.
To not be able to define the word love is tragic.
I am dealing with things that feel bleak and unwinnable. I have been to some pretty dark places in my adult life but this last year has been the crescendo of abandonment and loss. I am a very strong person and I feel absolutely broken and alone.
Now... before you jump to any conclusions here, I'm fine. I'm not planning on jumping out this window anytime soon. It's a blog post... that's all.
Thank you! I love you all. Goodnight!