Grateful for this moment
I am so grateful for this moment.
My pain level in my lower back has been at a constant 6 with my up/down pain in the 8-9 range for weeks. Every step is a struggle. Getting seated or getting up comes with an insane amount of pain. There's a point when your mind just adjusts to the new normal and you go on.
I awoke today with a new level of pain coming from just about every joint in my tired body. And my lower back was screaming.
During my stretching and meditation I found a position in the movement where I experienced no pain. I paused, found my breath and immediately had to stop my brain from 'powering through' the moment.
This was the moment I had been waiting for! A moment with zero pain. My moment. I immediately focused on gratitude for this beautiful moment with zero pain.
The thoughts started pouring in... "any moment, that pain is going to return. It's going to be terrifying".
Hold on. Any moment is future. I don't live there. This is now. Get back to the present. Get back to this moment of zero pain.
I had to refocus back to the current moment. Back to gratitude for this pain free moment. Then something occurred to me... while I am very thankful for this moment of zero pain, thankfulness isn't gratitude.
Being grateful and expressing that gratitude in the moment was solidifying something in me. It allowed me to experience the gift of absolutely no pain in my body.
Staying in the moment was a choice. Letting my mind ponder the probability of pain returning soon was also a choice.
Right now, it's been an hour with zero pain. I know this because gratitude in the moment allowed me to experience 60 minutes of those little pain free moments. I enjoyed every single one.
I don't live in the future. I have no idea what will happen then. Allowing worry to take your moment of bliss is a choice. Deep breath. And another... ahhhh! OMG. I am still feeling no pain right now. I am so grateful for this pain free moment.