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Going Back

G
Ash
6 Min Read

Sometimes going back isn't an option. It just depends on what happened and the condition of the relationship. Is the bridge still intact?

You: What the hell are you rambling about Ash?

Me: I have a few things on my mind today. And in the words of the great wedding singer... I have a microphone and you don't. You know the rest... lol

Burning Bridges

I remember growing up, I knew a family where the father would preemptively become abusive while placing an order at the local McFast Food place. It was the very same spot that consistently served him cold, disgusting alternatives to the hot, fresh food they promised on the commercials.

And there he stood, yet again at the same horrible place, the wife and kids cowering behind him as he sternly barked orders at a confused 15 year old girl standing behind the counter. He would brashly command that the food be "scalding hot and fresh or else".

He might as well have been yelling "This is a fucking robbery!" lol

The place was typically packed and everyone around him was fully aware of his menacing demeanor.

That guy ate a bunch of spit, snot and who knows what else. I'm sure they frequently added that special douchebag sauce at no extra charge. I always felt bad for the kids he dragged in there with him. They ate too.

Just when you thought the worst was over... oh man. The same 15 year old hands him a tray of pathetic items that looked like they came out of the dumpster and the dude goes off.

It's a Sunday after church, there's a mile long line behind him and he's screaming at this poor girl. I would guess he blamed her for everything but the Kennedy assassination.

The food goes flying, he's yelling "fuck this and fuck you and I'll have you fired and I'm never coming back here. Come on kids, we're leaving". And he turned around and stomped out. The crowd parted like the proverbial Red Sea on his way to the door. I bet everyone was relieved when that door finally closed behind him.

Hey dude, if a place consistently disappoints you. Stop going there.

But that's not the end of our story. About 45 minutes later, this guy grabs the kids, loads up the car and goes back. And not with a flame thrower or bag of pistols like you're thinking. No, he marches the kids right up to the counter, requests to speak to the girl he screamed at and then this happens:

"Yes, hi. About an hour ago blah blah blah... I'm a christian blah blah blah... and God told me I have to come back and apologize for how I behaved. Will you please forgive me?"

You should have seen her face. Obviously still traumatized from his first visit, she looked mortified. And those kids were damaged forever. It was fucking brutal.

The worst thing about this story is that it's true. But what really sucks is the man did this week after week. He'd rotate between different places but the dance was the same. I witnessed it first hand on several occasions.

Sometimes going back is not an option. If you are that kind of cruel to another human being, you are only serving yourself by going back for whatever reason. You aren't fixing what you did. You are making it worse for the person you hurt. Regardless of your new found convictions or how it makes you feel to apologize, you are being selfish and cruel.

It doesn't matter whether it's a local fast food employee or a lifelong relationship. When you scorch a bridge, you don't go back. You learn quietly, accept the consequences and move forward.

My Bad, Bro

We all make mistakes and there are times when going back and saying "hey man, I fucked up" is a possibility. Again, it just depends on what happened and the condition of the relationship. Is the bridge still intact at this point?

Owning a mistake takes big balls. Sometimes just owning it is enough to start the mend. Especially if the relationship isn't completely destroyed.

Try it with me.... "Hey man, I fucked up."

It's powerful.

And don't be a douche and try to apologize over a text message or email. Those are scheduling tools that somehow became the de facto standard for communicating breakups and apologies. It's disgusting.

Schedule something in person. If all you can get is a call then sound sincere and say what's on your mind. If they will agree to a face to face then do that. Look that person in the eyes and handle that shit like an adult.

If you have the opportunity to mend a bridge you damaged, do it. Bridges left burning will soon be gone.

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